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Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Beware of Smiling people bearing Gifts!

After working 16+ years in the Behavioral Health Field you are bound to have a few stories…This is one of many:

In the mid 90’s I was working as a behavioral heath counselor in a residential group home for adults with traumatic brain injury. Within this particular home there were two clients that fought non-stop, their names were Alan and Mike. Now most of Alan and Mike’s altercations merely involved flipping each other the bird, calling each other vulgar names, and berating each others favorite sports team. But once in awhile, if staff was not paying attention, they would get medieval on each others asses! and when this happened, both of them, along with staff, usually got hurt.

One beautiful July morning after breaking up one of their more mild altercations, which involved Alan spitting on Mike and Mike trying to decapitate Alan’s head with his Quad-Cane, I sat them both down and tried to talk some sense into them. I explained that they both were going to have to learn to live together and while they may not like each other, they needed to respect each other. After my 5 minute “come to Jesus speech” Mike went to his room and Alan and I went out on the back patio so Alan could smoke a cigarette. About 30 minutes or three cigarettes later, Mike joined us on the patio too. I saw that Mike was carrying what appeared to be a shoe box that was hastily wrapped in Christmas paper and topped with a bright red bow. Mike told me that the box was a gift for Alan to show that he was sorry and that he really wanted them to "get along" from now on. Immediately, I started basking in the glow that my little speech just might have gotten through to at least one of them…Oh glory! I watched in admiration as Mike gave the present to Alan, and Alan’s eyes lit up with anticipation. Alan said “Thank you Mike!” and preceded to unwrap the gift. However, when Alan lifted the lid off the box his expression turned from excitement to absolute horror! Now from my vantage point I could not see what was inside, however Alan immediately looked at me and started yelling: “Shit, it’s shit, it’s shit! That bastard gave me a box of Shit!”

Yep, sure enough, Mike had taken a crap in a shoe box, wrapped it, and gave it to Alan. So much for my little speech and my hope for group home peace!


While I was thinking about this gross, albeit funny, story I could not help but think of all the boxes/things that masquerade as Christianity… but in reality, they are really nothing but shit. These boxes could contain the dung of legalism, false teachings, cheap grace, and last but not least: weak Christianity. Now I could write a great deal about how “weak Christianity” has been devastating to the kingdom of God, but I will turn that over to a fellow blogger and brother (Donald) who has been dealing with this subject in great detail. So shoot on over to Project Mathetes and get your Theology overhaul. *Warning* Donald’s writings have been known to cause rectal bleeding, and ipecac-like reactions in those who cleave to liberal theology, and victim hood Christianity. You have been warned!

What was the worst "Crappy" gift you have ever received?
Have you ever encountered bad/false Theology?
Have you ever been given syrup of Ipecac?

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