Thursday, April 7, 2011

I suck *ass* at Religion!

Proverbs 16:25

25 There is a way that seems right to a man and appears straight before him, but at the end of it is the way of death.




My track record when it comes to religion just plain sucks ass! Had I been born a couple hundred years ago I would have inevitably been burned at the stake; and if I'd managed to live and die without being caught, the church would have most likely found out where I was buried and dug up my corpse so they could beat it mercilessly. Speaking of this, years ago I watched a movie where the Catholic church actually dug up the body of some deceased heretic and passed sentence on him posthumously by beating the dust out of his fleshless bones with a whip. It was hilarious! With every strike bones were flying everywhere; people were ducking trying to avoid finger pieces, skull fragments, and hunks of rotten clothing. After the decimation, the corpse was promptly excommunicated, which I felt showed some real religious conviction. I wish I could remember the name of that flick? If you happen to know, contact me, I would love to watch it again.

Now back to why Mark sucks ass at Religion (Case point #1)

When  I was 14 I was kicked out of Lutheran Confirmation class and I was told not to come back (or in the pastors words “It‘s too late for you.”). After my mom and grandma found out, they cried…They cried a lot! Although I was not upset about being booted out of this religious circle jerk, seeing your mother and grandmother crying makes you feel like a steamy pile of liquid feces with matted chucks of burnt hair in it.

Lutheran Confirmation is designed to help youth affirm their faith, however, the only affirmation I came away with was that they (the church) could all get bent. I’m not going to get into the details or the reasons for my “falling from grace”, because they made me sign a non-disclosure agreement in the settlement. I can say that the settlement involved me receiving four cases of Mogen David© wine; a very nice silver plated chalice; and a beautiful, albeit slightly used, white robe with a cross and dove on it.

It seems that man-made caveats and rules have inundated many denominations over the years. I’m curious if anyone else has butted heads with…or been thrown out on their butts by man-made religious institutions? Are their any other non-biblical church mandates that you find ridicules? If so please comment ( you can post anonymously too…There is no fear here)


John 8:32
32 And you will know the Truth, and the Truth will set you free.

(*ass* -may = donkey)

8 comments:

  1. Nice post sir..^_^
    i love this one: "There is a way that seems right to a man and appears straight before him, but at the end of it is the way of death."

    Plate f Dady Long Legs

    ReplyDelete
  2. wow controversy! I got rebuked for asking too many questions - in a moderately progressive church. Guess they had a line for what was too much questioning...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yes, the confirmation class I was speaking about was an utter joke. The pastor was never prepared, the students all needed Ritalin, and the material/books were so dry that Martin Luther himself would have nailed them to the church doors, had he been alive. It was a sad experience all the way around.

    Thanks for the comment Charlie!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Well, the way I understand is that we are never called to follow religion. That was why the Pharasees were rebuked. I just follow Jesus. I don't care as much what people think anymore.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thanks for stopping by John, blessings to you and yours!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I agree...and I have received my walking papers several times to prove it:->

    Thank you for your comment Shanda!

    ReplyDelete
  7. First, have I mentioned how much I love this blog? The liquid feces comment was.... visceral. I get in trouble in Bible Study a lot. We were studying Isiah and they talked about Eunuchs not being allowed in the Kingdom of Heaven (Isiah 56:3) and I very subtly suggested that perhaps the term eunuchs was an ancient term for those men how CHOSE not to have a wife ... (the inference gay) and the preacher pretty much shut me down. Yeah.. I get in trouble. I really do have some evidence that eunuch means men who choose not to marry women, but I was encouraged by my boyfriend to just let it go. How dare I suggest that gay people get to go to heaven too or that a homosexual lifestyle was even alluded to in the Bible in anything other than an abomination. But I digress....

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thank you so much for the comment Charlotte! I think an open dialog when it comes to discussing scripture is very effective. I have found that most people are content with skirting around certain issues instead of getting into the marrow of the matter. I think this is the reason most of my friends and family do not read or bother to comment on this blog. It is sad to say that most people are either lazy, boring, or both. Thank you for not falling into any of those categories:->

    Blessings,

    ReplyDelete

Please be sure to leave a comment, feedback is very important to us!