Grasping at the Straws of Christian Persecution

I know, I know, I have the tendency to lay on the sass. But sometimes sass is needed. And I am just so exhausted by the claims that American Christians are persecuted.

                   Downtrodden. 

                                                  Discriminated against.

 I mean, seriously. Does anyone spouting this stuff actually believe the crap coming out of their mouths?

Wasted Time, Wasted Grace

Languid conjecture brings on the desires of a new year. My thoughts are a bit jumbled and scattered so I hope you can bear with me while I try to mold them into some semblance of organization.

God, Grace, and Time

 I have been thinking a great deal about the above lately and I must say that I’m feeling a mixture of awe and grief. I’m literally in awe that God has let us go on this long, this badly. This shows the Lord’s infinite capacity for both patience and mercy.  Often when I should be kneeling before God, thanking Him, I deride his kindness by being impatient with both Him and the world! Recently I get so angry over trivial matters e.g., incompetent coworkers, ineptness of government officials, greed, gun-rights, the jerk behind me at the supermarket coughing on the back of my neck, and my chronically itching butt (which leads me to believe I have worms)- but I digress. My point is, while I spend all this time fretting, lamenting, and scratching away at these matters- I barely bat an eyelash at all the time and life I’m squandering!

 "The horror ... the horror “

The reality is: I’m running out of days. As the morning sun glistens off the cover of my Bible I feel the weight of grief that comes from my own excuses and devices. I don’t fear that I have wasted God’s infinite Grace, but rather, it’s been wasted on me. But with a new year brings new opportunity…And I’m coming for you! I’m coming for the lost; I’m coming for the missed opportunities; I’m coming into the full presence of God!

 Pray for me and my family; and let us pray for you. I love you all!

Is there anything in your life that’s wasting time and God’s Grace?

Do you know of any good Butt-salve?

Alzheimer's is a Nasty Bitch

This is not that kind of blog. It is not a chronological history or our personal tragedies. But I wrote this account, as I do from time to time and I haven't written much lately and haven't posted in an entirely long time. So here it is. And the title? Sorry about that. But it is honest and I have no other way to summarize this post. 

I unwrap my mother’s Christmas gift. She can’t unwrap it, won’t unwrap it.  Can’t, won’t- I can’t decide which it is. I write her name on the pillow made to support back sleepers 5 different times with a cheap gel pen. I left the sharpie in the truck and I’m much too lazy to traverse the parking lot to get it.  I put my mother’s Christmas gift into a pillow case I grabbed from my linen closet. I notice a small brown stain on the pillow case and mutter a curse under my breath. My husband and I discuss very ineloquently whether to put the nursing home issued flat pillow in Mom’s closet or leave in on the bed.  We are leaving. I could not convince my mother to leave the common area to come to her room to open her gift or walk the halls. She ate the cookies I brought though. She ate them with a ferocious hunger that I can only guess comes as her last vestige of pleasure, food. I can understand that. 

Christians should Rejoice in Election Outcome!

Sorry Joseph, I let ya down!

Immediately after the presidential election my first instinct was to throw up a blog about how the Christian Right is in bed with the Republican party and how fear, materialism, and pseudo-nationalism seem to be the driving force behind the right-wing machine…But I didn't...I waited. I wanted to see how and where everything landed once the dust settled and buttholes ceased to pucker. That being said- I’m still waiting.

Contrasting Desires

Sometimes all I hear in my head is the resonating refrain of my own wants and desires.

I want to lose weight.

I want to have more time to read.

I want to have more time to write.

I want to spend my days languidly drinking coffee and discussing literature with my husband.

I want to have more some peace and quiet.
    I crave peace and quiet.

I want the words I speak to sink in and mean something to the person I speak to.

I want more energy.

I want my family to visit more.

I want a baby.

I want a maid.

I want to matter.

I want my mother to be healed.

I want more patience.

I want less challenges and more relaxation.

I want to sip more wine.

And in the selfish chorus that seems to ring through my thoughts these days there is a small voice attempting to get through. Crawling from the depths of my own desires the thing I actually need starts to make itself known like tiny pin pricks poking at my brain and into my soul. There are many things in this life that I want and just a few that I need.

I need to focus on Christ and His Will for my life.

I need to spend more time in prayer and Bible study.

I need to know my maker on a more intimate level.

I need to follow Him.

I need His strength and not the worldly comforts I seem to long for.

I am a prodigal daughter, a lazy follower, and an unfocused student. Though I hear the call, all I offer is good intentions to be better and no actions. My devotion has become defunct. And in my defunction I have focused too much on what I want and not what I have or what I need. In the last few months, though they have been busy and stressful with not enough prayer, I- we have been blessed in big and small ways. Mark and I have seen so many prayers answered and have been rewarded in ways we probably do not deserve. I momentarily throw up some thanks and praise, but more often then not my prayers are pleas for more. When all I need is Him and His strength.

And through it all: the selfishness, the laziness, and the unfulfilled good intentions,  I have been loved. Wholly and completely loved by the One who created me and who gave Himself up for me.

And that is all I really need.
                                          Jesus. 
                                                       The lover of my soul. He fulfills all my needs, and gives me so much more. And I am so thankful for His undying love.

Have you ever focused more on what you want instead of what you need?

Offering up Anger

Last month you were either angry at Chick-fil-a, or you were angry at the people who were boycotting Chick-fil-a. Well at least that’s what everyone was angry about the first week of August. By the third week most people had transferred their rage to something else. Some people are mad that Mitt picked Paul and that they both wear pleated khakis. Others are angry that Obama keeps talking about anything besides the economy. Either way, everyone is pissed off and chances are everyone feels righteous in their indignation. If you’re pissed, and you’re righteously pissed, it seems that you can be both hypocritical and rude in your anger- but never wrong.  No one is ever wrong in their anger. It’s cool, everyone is doing it, so go right ahead, be an asshole to those you disagree with. Your point of view is, of course, right and anyone who has a differing point of view is, of course wrong, and deserves to endure your spewing vitriol. But that seems to be all anyone has to offer. If you are angry that the rights of a group of people are being infringed upon, you can offer your anger. If it’s obvious Paul Ryan blatantly lies at the RNC, you can offer your anger.  Everyone spews their opinions all over facebook, twitter, and the blogosphere. People who disagree are disrespected, threatened, and made fun of. But it seems that all anyone has to offer is their poorly framed, hate –filled statements. No one takes any action. No one risks anything but an unfriending  and some angry comments on the internet. No one moves. Everyone sits idly slinging insults at faceless opponents. No one actually takes a stand. It is so much easier to sit around and stew in their anger.

And what is everyone so freaking angry about anyways?  Everyone is SO angry these days. I mean, how can the pleats on someone’s khakis piss you off so much, and how can the opinion of a CEO make you want to punch those who support his company. I understand boycotting. I understand standing up when rights are infringed upon. Hell, I even understand making fun of a candidate’s poor style choices.  What I don’t understand is the burning anger and hatred that has seemed to infest this country. It’s like being angry is the new chic thing to do. Pinterest, that’ s so last year.  Selective outrage, that’s what’s in now.

The outrage is selective, and it usually doesn’t fit the crime. If you never ate at Chick-fila to begin what the hell is your problem? If you want to fight for marriage equality, do it. Don’t spew vitriol like hot lava across the internet and call it good. And for Pete’s sake if you are fighting for the rights and respect of one group of people don’t infringe on the rights and respect of another in the process. It makes you a hypocrite, which seems to be as popular as misplaced, selective anger. Because in my world (and maybe I live in a dream world) if you’re angry that a fast food chain doesn’t support gay marriage, you should be just as angry that Nike has children working in sweats shop around the world. If you’re angry that politicians lie to you, than be angry that a democracy should allow you to choose from more than 2 similar parties when electing a leader; or better yet, be angry that that our child welfare and social services are strapped for cash and employs corrupt individuals so children are allowed to be abused or neglected in our own country.

I understand that we can’t be angry about everything. But maybe we shouldn’t be angry at all. Anger breeds disrespect and violence and many times stagnation. If we want change let’s find some balance and instead of being angry do something, educate yourself, and most importantly pray. This country is lacking balance and if you believed the media it is filled with hot heads who can talk a lot but rarely make a difference. If we relied on the guidance of Christ, if we lived in His peace, then there would be a whole lot less anger and a lot more movement. There would be more conversations and fewer arguments. There would be more change and less stagnation. I believe Christ is calling us to make a difference in our everyday lives, in our communities, and to actually live out our beliefs instead of ranting about them.  

What about you? Are you angry?

We Need more Martyrs

Perhaps only dead men can dominate conversations in the United States these days. Licentiousness, gossip, envy, and mediocrity reign supreme, not only on the internet and airwaves, but in the pulpits as well. If I were to die tomorrow, the result of my life would be less than exceptional; much of what I have contributed or written down could be viewed as careless rants and posturing against an institution that I honestly love: the church.

Add one more rant to the list.

When it comes to the church, I'm in a love hate relationship. It is my love that keeps me pining at its doors hoping that a church of Acts revolution breaks out upon the world; it’s my hate, upon seeing its true face, that makes me want to burn it to the ground! It is not enough these days for people to simply hate the church…if that were the case, we might as well just cut our wrists or become atheists. Conversely, it is not enough to sit idly by and watch the church remain in its present state, which is awful! The only way out seems to be to both love and hate the church enough to change it. This love/hate has to be akin to Christ’s love of mankind, and hatred of sin: a transcendental purpose without any earthly reason.

If the church is to be “saved” from its current state, that’s all well and good…I have bought my ticket, and I’m willing to show up to the burning and/or barn raising. But if there is to be emancipation, then I must ask: By what means and what way? A religious movement needs to be biblically based otherwise it is a sham! That being said, the emancipation must come about through martyrdom-a bloody or bloodless sacrifice. The sacrifice is a spiritual commitment and a non-compromising attitude. Now there are those who wish to save the Church by secular and worldly means (i.e. no martyrdom), they have bastardized it through politicization and self-serving agendas. This rightwing political infusion is currently the bane of the modern day church. We love our wars, we love our guns, and we love our money. Hail prosperity at all costs!

So I ask: what does it mean when we continue to behave as though the Church is as it should be? How can we call ourselves “Christians” when the ideals of the New Testament have gone out of life? I personally believe that you have to both love and hate something to change it. We need more martyrs! The only alternative is the paralyzing realization that the world has outgrown the Church...and possibly Christianity.