Monday, March 21, 2011

Does your church Kick Butt?


Is your church relevant and/or cutting edge? In these rough times when churches seem to need just a little more than Jesus, new ways of staying relevant are popping up in sanctuaries near you. Answering the following questions can help you determine if your church is relevant, in other words these questions can help you decide if your church kicks a$$!




  • Does your church have a hip coffee bar complete with parishioner barristas trained in secrecy liken to that of the masons?

  • Are your youth rooms outfitted with amusement park quality video games and pool tables where prayer wagers can be made?

  • Does your church have a place called “The Basement” that resembles the grunge epicenter that the likes of Kurt Cobain would been proud to play at?

  • Does you sound and light system rival your city’s auditorium and take enough voltage it can drain your neighborhood grid? Has the altar at your church become indiscernible during worship because of the high intensity of the fog machines?

  • Does your worship band resemble No Doubt, The Jonas Brothers, Pink Floyd, or all the above?

  • Does your pastor wear $600 Italian loafers and dress like Ralph Lauren himself? Does his wife come on stage dripping with so many diamonds that it creates an involuntary move of the Holy Spirit?

  • Is your pastor packing heat? And not afraid to show it?

  • Do your church leaders show up at controversial protests both city and state-wide? Does your pastor spend more time in the press than in the pulpit?

  • Have you stopped having any opinions of your own? Have you stopped referencing the Bible and started quoting sermons? Hour 3 of sermon 9.13.09

  • Is there an hazing period during membership class where you have to publicly prove you’ve had all the outward manifestations of the Holy Spirit? Is there a minimum salary requirement to become members?

  • Is the Holy Spirit’s presence so strong at your church it literally scares the crap out of people?

  • Does your church host super bowl parties in the sanctuary?

  • Does your church host yearly galas where you’re required to arrive in a limo or you’re not allowed in?

  • Does your church have a $10 million worship center on 20 acres of prime retail real estate?

  • Can you download interactive sermon apps right to your smart phone?

  • Does your church have stadium seating equipped with fully reclining chairs and dual cup holders?

  • Has your church ever had to lock the doors of the sanctuary to keep the Holy Spirit from pouring out into the streets?

  • Is there a mosh-pit like crowd at the altar during the most intense moments of worship?

  • Does your church openly despise Muslims, democrats, gays, and the poor?

  • Does your pastor have his own security guards that look like ex-secret service personnel?

  • Does your church have a statistical analysis for movements of the Holy Spirit and salvations for each quarter?

  • Does your church rail against every other denomination and call them false religions and dead?

Have you determined if you are proud member of one of the more relevant churches today? What makes your church awesome in these difficult times? Please share with us ways your church has stayed relevant and hip in today’s cutting edge culture.

**This blog was a joint collaboration of both the husband and wife (Mark and Carla) bloggers of The Three Fold Cord.

16 comments:

  1. No, I think none of those apply to us :) We live in a town of 3k and our youth group often brings in 60+ kids which is not too bad for such a tiny church. We feed the homeless on Friday nights. The middle schoolers are going on a local mission trip to a tent village and soup kitchen. So while we may not have the hippest coolest "stuff" I see the spirit working BIG in a little church and it's pretty awesome :) Oh but I do think espresso is available sometimes :) lol

    Blessings,
    Mel
    Please feel free to stop by: Trailing After God

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  2. Your church sounds pretty cool to me! But I don't know if I'm that hip myself, except for the fact that I love coffee. :) Thanks for your comment!

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  3. Haha, good post!
    I generally prefer my church to go beyond a single (or weekly) sensory experience.
    Even if there is coffee, moshing, reclining seats, and excessive bling, who cares if there is no truth...?

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  4. I went to a church like this in my teens. It was fun, but I think the message go tlost in the hype. Also, all that pomp, circumstance, and coffee bar covered up that the church was a bit like a cult.

    I say that but the church I attend in a resort area has a professional chef that has a buffet on Wed. Night and Sunday morning.

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  5. Thanks for the comment Charlotte! We should have included a "professional chef" in our blog:->

    Blessings,

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  6. We are not hip but we are Scriptural. LOL...we do provide donuts and coffee ( the coffee is a must ) along with other morning snacks.

    We do " Don't go to church day " where we minister in the community meeting needs of those who cannot attend. We have movie nights in a rodeo arena, eat popcorn and hotdogs, and share the gospel at the start, middle, and end.

    The Word is relevant at all times to every aspect of our lives but to be more worried about relevancy among the lost is to lose sight of the Gospel which is the proclamation that God saves sinners through belief in His Son Jesus Christ.

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  7. Thanks Luther! I completely agree. Many times, it seems, churches focus so much on being "relevant" in today's world, they forget that the Word is always relevant. So many are worried about filling their stadium seats but really only one thing will fill the seats: the Good News of Christ. People are inundated with hipness everyday, they would probably be more drawn to the Peace Christ offers.

    I love the idea of the "Don't go to church day", what a great way to spread the love of Christ.
    Thanks for your comment!

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  8. I haven't stepped inside a church in years. Why? As a kid I got tired of churches teaching religion based on fear and judging people who didn't believe (or who's religion's differed) and seeing a number of looked up to figures within the church community and their wives and kids with badly hidden bruises. Maybe I was simply attending the 'wrong' churches, I don't know.

    These days I prefer to spend some time in quiet contemplation and prayer each day on my own. I don't think a church is necessary for worship.

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  9. scott blankemeyerMarch 24, 2011 at 8:33 PM

    i find this blog kind of amusing, since it was posted within a day of me talking about the church i am attending in lake charles, la & had made the comment about it being cutting edge & having a coffee bar... let me restate a few things...

    1) the coffee bar consists of coffee jugs, with flavored creamers, doughnuts & sodas... also it is free... people are allowed to give a free will donation, that goes towards their children church & youth group growth...

    2) being cutting edge doesn't make it automatically a bad thing... true, some cutting edge churches are not always a good place to attend... BUT cutting edge can also be a good thing, when done right & God's word is always at the forefront in the church's vision of reaching the lost

    3)just because we don't agree on how a church operates/functions, doesn't give us the right to bad mouth or tell them they are wrong in how they are doing things... the main thing that matters is this, ARE THEY PREACHING THE ACTUAL WORD OF GOD?? not how much their building costs, what kind of clothes/jewelry they wear, etc... Do they love God & are they preaching what the bible teaches? that is what is important...

    check out Water's Edge in Lake Charles, LA... watersedgegathering.com... the love for God & the lost is evident in every word that comes from the pastor's mouth... some churches have been stiff & dead for years & do not make new comers feel welcome... from the first day i walked in the doors of this place, i felt like i was home & part of the family... it doesn't matter if you come dressed for the prom...

    The message of God is the only thing that matters... thanks for letting me put my two cents worth... LOL!!!

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  10. @ Scott--->Trust me this blog had little to do with your pictures of Waters Edge Church. This blog is a conglomeration of things we have observed over the past couple of years in Christendom. Not all of it is bad, but not all of it is good. Thanks for commenting Scott and God bless you and yours!

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  11. videos are huge. You gotta have a funny, usually random, video to play during announcements that your youth pastor got paid to make and somehow call it ministry.

    the church I'm semi-apart of will often play secular songs during worship because they are beautiful and all beautiful things are God's. Plus the worship leader is as indie as they get so he doesn't listen to much Chris Tomlin.

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  12. "Does your church have a statistical analysis for movements of the Holy Spirit and salvations for each quarter?"

    I went to an evangelism rally for our association a few weeks ago and, I kid you not, our associational missionary gave out trophies to the churches who had the most baptisms per capita and the most overall baptisms. I wonder if those churches stop preaching the gospel when they feel like they have the award all wrapped up?

    Aaron

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  13. LOL! These are definitely strange times we are living in Aaron. Thank you for stopping by and for your comments...I really enjoy your blog a great deal! Keep up the great work...

    Blessings,

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  14. Trust me this blog had little to do with your pictures of Waters Edge Church. This blog is a conglomeration of things we have observed over the past couple of years in Christendom. Not all of it is bad, but not all of it is good. Thanks for commenting Scott and God bless you and yours!

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  15. My church is two or more gathered in the Name of Jesus! But I have been part of many congregations in various seasons when I lived in the U.S. Now I live in a country of 99% non believers and most of the churches here are remnants of churches established after WWII.
    That`s right I live in Japan!

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  16. haha Yeah, my church sounds about like this. My pastor has a body guard (or an assistant) that follows him everywhere, a Starbucks, and stadium seating. I guess we are hip : )

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