Wasted Time, Wasted Grace

Languid conjecture brings on the desires of a new year. My thoughts are a bit jumbled and scattered so I hope you can bear with me while I try to mold them into some semblance of organization.

Alzheimer's is a Nasty Bitch

This is not that kind of blog. It is not a chronological history or our personal tragedies. But I wrote this account, as I do from time to time and I haven't written much lately and haven't posted in an entirely long time. So here it is. And the title? Sorry about that. But it is honest and I have no other way to summarize this post. 

I unwrap my mother’s Christmas gift. She can’t unwrap it, won’t unwrap it.  Can’t, won’t- I can’t decide which it is. I write her name on the pillow made to support back sleepers 5 different times with a cheap gel pen. I left the sharpie in the truck and I’m much too lazy to traverse the parking lot to get it.  I put my mother’s Christmas gift into a pillow case I grabbed from my linen closet. I notice a small brown stain on the pillow case and mutter a curse under my breath. My husband and I discuss very ineloquently whether to put the nursing home issued flat pillow in Mom’s closet or leave in on the bed.  We are leaving. I could not convince my mother to leave the common area to come to her room to open her gift or walk the halls. She ate the cookies I brought though. She ate them with a ferocious hunger that I can only guess comes as her last vestige of pleasure, food. I can understand that. 

Christians should Rejoice in Election Outcome!

Sorry Joseph, I let ya down!

Immediately after the presidential election my first instinct was to throw up a blog about how the Christian Right is in bed with the Republican party and how fear, materialism, and pseudo-nationalism seem to be the driving force behind the right-wing machine…But I didn't...I waited. I wanted to see how and where everything landed once the dust settled and buttholes ceased to pucker. That being said- I’m still waiting.

Contrasting Desires

Sometimes all I hear in my head is the resonating refrain of my own wants and desires.

I want to lose weight.

I want to have more time to read.

I want to have more time to write.

I want to spend my days languidly drinking coffee and discussing literature with my husband.

I want to have more some peace and quiet.
    I crave peace and quiet.

I want the words I speak to sink in and mean something to the person I speak to.

I want more energy.

I want my family to visit more.

I want a baby.

I want a maid.

I want to matter.

I want my mother to be healed.

I want more patience.

I want less challenges and more relaxation.

I want to sip more wine.

Offering up Anger

Last month you were either angry at Chick-fil-a, or you were angry at the people who were boycotting Chick-fil-a. Well at least that’s what everyone was angry about the first week of August. By the third week most people had transferred their rage to something else. Some people are mad that Mitt picked Paul and that they both wear pleated khakis. Others are angry that Obama keeps talking about anything besides the economy. Either way, everyone is pissed off and chances are everyone feels righteous in their indignation. If you’re pissed, and you’re righteously pissed, it seems that you can be both hypocritical and rude in your anger- but never wrong.  No one is ever wrong in their anger. It’s cool, everyone is doing it, so go right ahead, be an asshole to those you disagree with. Your point of view is, of course, right and anyone who has a differing point of view is, of course wrong, and deserves to endure your spewing vitriol. But that seems to be all anyone has to offer. If you are angry that the rights of a group of people are being infringed upon, you can offer your anger. If it’s obvious Paul Ryan blatantly lies at the RNC, you can offer your anger.  Everyone spews their opinions all over facebook, twitter, and the blogosphere. People who disagree are disrespected, threatened, and made fun of. But it seems that all anyone has to offer is their poorly framed, hate –filled statements. No one takes any action. No one risks anything but an unfriending  and some angry comments on the internet. No one moves. Everyone sits idly slinging insults at faceless opponents. No one actually takes a stand. It is so much easier to sit around and stew in their anger.

We Need more Martyrs

Perhaps only dead men can dominate conversations in the United States these days. Licentiousness, gossip, envy, and mediocrity reign supreme, not only on the internet and airwaves, but in the pulpits as well. If I were to die tomorrow, the result of my life would be less than exceptional; much of what I have contributed or written down could be viewed as careless rants and posturing against an institution that I honestly love: the church.

Add one more rant to the list.

When it comes to the church, I'm in a love hate relationship. It is my love that keeps me pining at its doors hoping that a church of Acts revolution breaks out upon the world; it’s my hate, upon seeing its true face, that makes me want to burn it to the ground! It is not enough these days for people to simply hate the church…if that were the case, we might as well just cut our wrists or become atheists. Conversely, it is not enough to sit idly by and watch the church remain in its present state, which is awful! The only way out seems to be to both love and hate the church enough to change it. This love/hate has to be akin to Christ’s love of mankind, and hatred of sin: a transcendental purpose without any earthly reason.

If the church is to be “saved” from its current state, that’s all well and good…I have bought my ticket, and I’m willing to show up to the burning and/or barn raising. But if there is to be emancipation, then I must ask: By what means and what way? A religious movement needs to be biblically based otherwise it is a sham! That being said, the emancipation must come about through martyrdom-a bloody or bloodless sacrifice. The sacrifice is a spiritual commitment and a non-compromising attitude. Now there are those who wish to save the Church by secular and worldly means (i.e. no martyrdom), they have bastardized it through politicization and self-serving agendas. This rightwing political infusion is currently the bane of the modern day church. We love our wars, we love our guns, and we love our money. Hail prosperity at all costs!

So I ask: what does it mean when we continue to behave as though the Church is as it should be? How can we call ourselves “Christians” when the ideals of the New Testament have gone out of life? I personally believe that you have to both love and hate something to change it. We need more martyrs! The only alternative is the paralyzing realization that the world has outgrown the Church...and possibly Christianity.  

The Big Let Down

Mark and I promised after our last extended hiatus that we wouldn’t leave you high and dry again. Then we delivered you 2 blogs and disappeared again. We broke our blogger promise to you and to ourselves. And I’m sorry, though I’m not really remorseful. I’m not remorseful for two reasons, one, because we’ve experienced a lot of change in our personal lives lately, and two it gave me a good topic for a blog return.  And the truth is, every human being you meet in this life will eventually break a promise they made to you. Whether they do so purposely or life just gets in the way of their obligations, everyone will eventually let you down. Can you count on and rely on your loved one? Absolutely.  But we are all fallible and your friends, your family, your co-workers, your politicians, leaders, pastors, the institutions you put your faith and money into will let you down in this twisted world we live. And that is why it is crucial to have a relationship with the One who will never go back on His Word, who will never break His promises to you, and who will always be waiting for you with open arms if you choose to follow Him.

^“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. [I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls. Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me, for I am gentle (meek) and humble (lowly) in heart, and you will find rest (relief and ease and refreshment and recreation and blessed quiet) for your souls.” Matthew 11:28-9

“Because if you acknowledge and confess with your lips that Jesus is Lord and in your heart believe (adhere to, trust in, and rely on the truth) that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.” Romans 10:9

“… and I will have love, pity, and mercy for her who had not obtained love, pity, and mercy; and I will say to those who were not My people, You are My people, and they shall say, You are my God!” Hosea 2:23

These are just a few of the promises God gives us in His Word. Those of you who know Him well, know that there are many more. Regardless of our level of intimacy with Christ, whether we know Him not, or continually strive to grower closer to Him all of us at some point falter under the weight of human disappointments. But when broken promises seem to abound, all of us need to know and heed that the Lord will never leave or forsake you. Christ is always available to talk to, His comfort is always there when you seek it.

Dear readers, we have broken our blogger promise, but God’s promises abound. We hope that even though we have been absent you all will readily read and comment as we figure out what our new blogger normal is for us. We promise not to leave you again J.