Sunday, September 23, 2012

Contrasting Desires

Sometimes all I hear in my head is the resonating refrain of my own wants and desires.

I want to lose weight.

I want to have more time to read.

I want to have more time to write.

I want to spend my days languidly drinking coffee and discussing literature with my husband.

I want to have more some peace and quiet.
    I crave peace and quiet.

I want the words I speak to sink in and mean something to the person I speak to.

I want more energy.

I want my family to visit more.

I want a baby.

I want a maid.

I want to matter.

I want my mother to be healed.

I want more patience.

I want less challenges and more relaxation.

I want to sip more wine.


And in the selfish chorus that seems to ring through my thoughts these days there is a small voice attempting to get through. Crawling from the depths of my own desires the thing I actually need starts to make itself known like tiny pin pricks poking at my brain and into my soul. There are many things in this life that I want and just a few that I need.

I need to focus on Christ and His Will for my life.

I need to spend more time in prayer and Bible study.

I need to know my maker on a more intimate level.

I need to follow Him.

I need His strength and not the worldly comforts I seem to long for.

I am a prodigal daughter, a lazy follower, and an unfocused student. Though I hear the call, all I offer is good intentions to be better and no actions. My devotion has become defunct. And in my defunction I have focused too much on what I want and not what I have or what I need. In the last few months, though they have been busy and stressful with not enough prayer, I- we have been blessed in big and small ways. Mark and I have seen so many prayers answered and have been rewarded in ways we probably do not deserve. I momentarily throw up some thanks and praise, but more often then not my prayers are pleas for more. When all I need is Him and His strength.

And through it all: the selfishness, the laziness, and the unfulfilled good intentions,  I have been loved. Wholly and completely loved by the One who created me and who gave Himself up for me.

And that is all I really need.
                                          Jesus. 
                                                       The lover of my soul. He fulfills all my needs, and gives me so much more. And I am so thankful for His undying love.


Have you ever focused more on what you want instead of what you need?