Sunday, February 28, 2016

Perpetual Prodigal

**Author’s note: I started writing this almost 4 months, which just solidifies my role as a perpetual prodigal daughter, I can’t even commit to writing a post about my lack of commitment.

Recently I was standing in my kitchen on a lazy Saturday morning making pancakes.  And I suddenly had this vivid recollection of a time I was 17 and gave a talk about faith for a freshman retreat.  I stood up in front of a bunch of 14 years old and I spoke of the trials I had faced, the testing of my faith, and the ultimate comfort of leaning on Christ.  I really thought I was something, inspiring these younger kids with my tumultuous teen years and deep, wisdom-filled faith.  I laughed out loud at the memory.  I had no idea.  What I thought was a trial and the most difficult times of my life, seem trivial now.  And I have a hard time recollecting anything of my faith that was not based on either feelings or what I had been taught in 13 years of Catholic school and 4 years of youth group and teen Jesus conferences.

I’ve always been a bit arrogant, so it’s no surprise I thought I had my shit together.  It didn’t help that I had peers tell me I was an “inspiration”.  I still have a tendency to be over confident.  But now, 15 years later, I no longer feel like an inspiration, and while I am confident in my Biblical knowledge, I often feel like a perpetual prodigal daughter, making the same mistakes over and over again.